In her autobiography, My Life in France, Julia wrote that she told herself early on to always serve every dish she prepared with pride, even when it turned out completely off plan.  To always do her best and never to apologize.

Her words echoed in my head this weekend as I gave an evening celebration on Saturday night for the receving of my daughter’s and my Hebrew names (more on these later), and her 3rd birthday party on Sunday afternoon.  I felt totally unprepared, as though I were flying by the seat of my pants (especially on Sunday, when I was nearly late; Saturday was a matter of merely arranging some pre-prepped cold foods.)

I spent some precious mental time berating myself for being the worst birthday-party-thrower on earth, which is unfair and, as it turned out, totally wrong.  I gave myself a hard time, but I presented Sami’s birthday party with pride and never was outwardly apologetic.  Everyone had a lovely time and there was more than enough cake, which is the most important detail.

Julia’s lesson is more important to me now even as it was then, because what I have to do today is a fair bit harder.  One of my best friends lost her father yesterday, and I am at a complete loss for how to help her.  She is with her family in LA right now, several hours away, so for now I’ve been available to talk whenever she’s needed, and I’ve helped with looking after her pets, apartment and car.  I’m going to do whatever she needs while she is away, and take care of her however she needs me to when she gets back.

I’m trying not to focus on my complete lack of experience in this area or the ways in which I am completely inadequate to the task of helping my friend, and instead focusing on the concrete ways in which I can literally help my friend.  Everything I can do, I will do with love and without apology for the places I think I fail.

This is where the rubber meets the road and actions speak louder than words.

For my friend’s father, alav ha-shalom.  May peace be with him; he fought his body and time for many years.  May peace also be with his family and children, including my friend.